The MBTA Crisis: Averted

With nothing to do on this Sunday afternoon, I’ve decided to kick start the blog by solving the Commonwealth of Massachusetts’ public transportation crisis. Those that live in the Boston area are well aware that the MBTA is $52 billion in debt, has a gap in next year’s budget of $160 million, they are “poised to eliminate every commuter boat, all commuter rail service on evenings and weekends, and many suburban bus routes, while cutting in half bus and subway service on evenings and weekends.” This quote is from a terrific article ( ) detailing what’s wrong with the MBTA, why the MBTA itself is so important, and director of the Metropolitan Area Planning Council, Marc Draisen’s half shitty, half non-existent plans for fixing those problems.

Here’s my solution to the problem: just sell the fucking thing. It may seem a little too simple or way too drastic, but it would work.

If the MBTA is sold tomorrow there’s two reasons right off the bat why everyone in the state feels better about their lives (unless you work for the MBTA, ouch.): You never have to worry about it again. Ever. Doesn’t it feel great. Think of the arguments, and the worry, and the long winded articles about how to fix it (or poorly written blogs!) that you’ll never have to bother with again. Also, remember that sales tax increase last month? Gone! No longer needed to close the r-tarded budget gap! So already you can argue less, read more interesting things, and you have more money in your pocket.

This plan begs the obvious question: if the MBTA is so fucked up that we’re never going to fix it and it’s never going to make any money, why would anyone want to buy it? Because it’s a gold mine that literally has no competition. Let us assume for a moment that I have lots of money and bought the whole thing right now. You wake up and all the MBTA signs now say MFT- Mike’s Fucking Trains.

Now I just spent a lot of money to acquire Mike’s Fucking Trains, money that should go back into schools and other fun things for the state. My first order of business after buying Mike’s Fucking Trains? I’m calling NASA, and GE, and the top 10 engineers and anyone who knows about trains and busses on the planet, buying out their contracts and tripling their salaries. I sit down with them and say, “Gentlemen, when this is fixed you will get paid, and you will get paid a whole lot.” I have a feeling they will come up with a better plan than the current one, “called ‘MetroFuture,’ (and) was constructed with input from more than 5,000 residents and regional leaders.” I don’t want 5,000 people planning anything. There’s not 5,000 people in the world smart enough to fix a dying transportation system, never mind in our tiny state. So they come up with a plan that will actually work, and I take all the credit by calling it Mike’s Fucking Plans for Mike’s Fucking Trains.

Next, we build, and we change, and we fix until I’m just about out of (imaginary) money. I’m probably living in my parent’s basement (still), but finally MFT is rolled out and it works great. How do I know it will work great? Because I’m not going to spend all that money on it just to have it not work. It will be awesome.

What happens when the transportation system is awesome? When the trains a always on time? More people will ride it. When more people ride it, more trains can be rolled out. And more people will ride it. Less cars on the highways means less of a commute for those that still want to drive. Less cars, less fumes (see, I even made the hippies happy!). And in the end everyone is happy, including me because I’m filthy fucking rich again.

Does no one see how ass backwards it is to try and fix the MBTA by making it less available, and harder for people to use? Take people that work nights and weekends. When that service is cut, they have to go out and buy cars to get to work. Goodbye customers. At the end of the day, you need to spend money to make money. A lot of money has been spent on the MBTA and it’s got us nowhere recently. Just sell it. I promise you there’s some rich guy out there who wants to be even more rich, as badly as I want to get to work on time.

Am I Writing About Celebrity Gossip? This Can't Be Good

In my previous life I used to avoid celebrity tabloid gossip at all costs, and I still do for the most part. Reading about celebrities regular people problems just doesn't seem entertaining to me. But, even I can't resist keeping up on all the goings on between Kevin Federline and Britney Spears. My caring about them actually started when K-fed first appeared on WWE's Monday Night Raw as a friend of Johnny Nitro and had his album plugged by King Bookaahhhhh. Subsequently, The Marine himself, John Cena, gave K-fed his signature move the F-U. The next day at work I was told (because most people I work with are aware of my man-crush on Cena) that there was a writeup about Federline being F-U'ed in the tabloids. Of course I read it and from that point on, I was hooked.
After several more appearances on RAW, the next major happening between Britney and K-fed was their infamous divorce, a moment in which Britney Spears single handedly gained my respect back and also threw K-fed into a deep hole and filled it with cement. My entire life I had grown up to think that there was nothing more humiliating than breaking up with a person via instant message. I would have bet rent money that there was no worse way to embarrass somebody. But, ingeniously (first time that word's been used in a sentence with Britney's name in it?), Britney blew the Instant Message Breakup out of the water with the first recorded Text Message Divorce. It's so beautiful and perfect, nobody saw such an evil act coming from her. After stabbing K-fed in the back, Spears also kicks him and the balls and shoots him in the face (possibly inadvertently). The kick in the balls was that the tabloids managed to get hold of what Britney actually wrote in the message, "I Wnt 2 Dvrce U". Breathtaking words. Some thought Elaine Benes not wanting to waste exclamation points on a baby being born was bad, so how does K-fed feel about Britney not wanting to waste vowels on him? That is surely and uber-kick in the nuts. The final shot in K-fed's face was the fact that she sent him this text message while he was being filmed for a reality show, after he had just finished talking for 14 hours about how Britney was his biggest (and only) fan. Only adding to this is that the video got onto youtube, with 3/4 of the world's population watching it over one weekend. Once again, I would have bet my rent money that there would be NO saving of what little face K-fed had to begin with.

(Final note on the divorce: I hope in the settlement Britney keeps the treadmill.)

K-fed Strikes Back- Once again, my rent money would be gone, this time in K-fed's pocket (and we all know he could use it). Britney has just given K-fed the uppercut from hell, and somehow as K-fed is falling to the mat, he manages to bury Britney with a mean right hook: the promise of the release of their sex tape. That right, I was in 7th grade when the idea of Britney Spears naked popped into my head and here I am eight years later and it's finally happening. Not only is it happening, but K-fed reports that he has four hours worth of video to sell, and has reportedly been offered $26,000,000 for it. As much as I used to love the idea of Kevin Federline unable to pay his bills, the sex tape idea is growing on me. We can hope for three things to happen with this video:
1) It actually comes out
2) The first 2 hours are Britney before she was Fat Britney (for obvious reasons) and the second half is Fat Britney (for humorous reasons).
3) Federline is holding the camera the entire time (again, for obvious reasons).
What gives this video such amazing possibilities is not merely its coming out, but that K-fed has legitimate reasons for wanting this video released meaning it will be in its entirety and best quality (I better not see any night vision). The main reason that he wants it released is that its the only other way he's ever going receive a check that doesn't say Burger King at the top is if he is awarded custody of their children, and chances are those children will be confiscated from the both of them and given to Angelina Jolie and Madonna (although, I bet most people would rather see those kids with Michael Jackson than either of their real parents).

This video coming out is throwing off what I predicted would happen to Britney Spears; that she would fall into obscurity (which she was on her way to doing) then eventually do Playboy right when most people could barely even stand to look at her. This was supposed to happen after she and K-fed divorced, whereupon her new album came out and sold 8 copies. Then, when she realizes she's broke, she finally does Playboy. This alternate reality we are in where there's a possibility of seeing her naked while she was still attractive is not supposed to happen. This video being released will have repercussions, and pending the release of this video here are several sociological trends that I foresee happening:
1) Sales of Kevin Federline's new CD Playing With Fire going up. If this video comes out there are many people that will buy K-fed's CD and throw it in the trash while still in the store, under the logic that he does deserve more of their money for releasing the video, and I'm not arguing with these people.
2) Sales of Britney Spears' concert tickets going down. Middle aged men across America were formerly willing to take their daughters to a Britney Spears concert, and you can't blame them. A concert hall filled with girls that are under aged/dressed, and several wayy under dressed dancers with one wayy under dressed singer = guaranteed sideboob, with definite possibilities of nipple-splippage. Now middle aged men only need to pay $20 for the DVD once instead of paying $75 (at least) for himself and each one of his daughters, plus the price of binoculars.
3) The suicide rate going down. With the possibility of a Britney Spears sex video looming about, every suicidal man/teenager in America is thinking "OK, maybe I'll hold off for a few weeks and see what happens."

Now that I've taken the time to write all these words about a Britney Spears sex tape and got everyone excited about it... it's not going to happen. It's obvious that K-fed wants to get back at Britney, but knowing K-fed as little as any of us care to, I would bet my rent that one thing he likes more than revenge... is money (something Britney still has a bit of).

The Taming of the Doo

For the first time in roughly 12 months I got a haircut, and not just my usual "it's time you trimmed that mop" haircut, but an 8 inches of hair on the floor #3 buzzer style haircut. This was a major step for me, I haven't full on buzzed my head since I was probably 11 (when it hit me that the day had finally come when bowl cut was becoming unfashionable- a sad, sad day to say the least) and havent even had what you would consider short hair since I was 15. Basically, hockey hair came into style and I jumped on that band wagon faster than Rosie O'donnel jumped on Dr. Christian Troy. At first I wasn't sure if I had made a mistake by cutting off my luscious locks, but now I am coming to realize the truely magnificent advantages of having short hair.
Let's start with the most obvious reason- aerodynamics. With my head shaved I am much more aerodynamic and without the drag of my hair flapping in the breeze I am one step closer to running a 4 minute mile (eventhough I don't think I could break a 10 minute mile, skaters don't make good runners, very different leg motions). This also helps in swimming races, specifically drunken swimming races through Boston's reflection pool (which I haven't actually done yet, perhaps I subconsciously knew long hair would hold back my lap time). Also, the opportunity to have my roomates wake up hung over and late for work, and find that the bathtub is full of my hair had to be taken advantage of. It's not everyday you can fill you friend's bathtub with something so perfect in its difficulty to clean up, but also won't do harm to the tub (it looked like a possum exploded in our tub, my proudest moment.) Not only did doing this help me mess with my friends groomings habbits, it also affected mine, before this change in hair styles, I had 3 reasons to take a shower:
1) My body stinks
2) My face is oily
3) My hair will look rediculous all day unless it gets completely wet and is styled afterward (despite this it looks rediculous half the time anyway).
Now that my hair is half an inch long, i can eliminate reason #3, leaving me with just two reasons to take a shower, and only two reasons to do something is not very convincing. This leaves me just needing to bump off one more reason so i can eliminate daily showers, which would mean an extra 7300 hours of sleep in my lifetime (assuming I'll live to be 80). Also, I am aware that if I was an Axe-guy I would have eliminated reason #1 a long time ago, but I don't like Axe Body Spray or any of its ingredients, so that's right out. Also, the feeling of the shower directly hitting my scalp for the first time in 9 years is truely amazing, believe it.
Not long after I buzzed al my hair off, I realized something lately about myself: people walking down the street don't have any reason to think I'm a neo-Nazi. Not that I support neo-Nazism, or want to be associated with it, I just like the idea that people may be thinking "hey, I wonder if that guy's a neo-Nazi." As far as I'm concerned shaved head means the definite possbility of neo-Nazi. I don't understand why neo-Nazis even started shaving their heads, its not like the Jews are known for their long hair and by shaving their heads it they are showing their dislike of Jews. (Side note: when did regular Nazism become so unpopular in the wackjob population that it needed it to be reborn into neo-Nazism? I would take the side of a regular Nazi over a neo-Nazi any day of the week, at least he sticks to his guns. I bet if a neo-Nazi was having legal trouble he would flip-flop in a heartbeat to hire a Jewish Lawyer for a flawless victory.)
Now that I don't have to worry about styling my head, my comb, gel, and hair dryer (yes, I'm publically admitting I own a hair dryer) have taken a leave of absense. With my hair being a natural mop in the truest sense of the word, it took a lot of time, effort, and product to make it look acceptable (unless I was wearing a hat). The amount of torment I got for owning a hair dryer was quite amazing, but from the time I bought it until the other day I lost every argument that involved making fun of someone because it always ended with "you own a hairdryer," followed by silence, followed by laughter, followed by my hanging my head in shame. These days I'm back in contention for ranking on my friends. (The new standard comeback in my home now that the hairdryer is gone is "you brought a flask full of Malibu to the Red Hot Chili Peppers concert," because my friend Rob did indeed bring a flask full of Malibu to a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert- weak).
Another great side effect of having a shaved head is the whole new class of celebrities I hope to be associated with. Instead of having longer hair and being associated with the Patrick Dempsey from Grey's Anatomy (who also did the voice of the pirahna plant in the Super Mario Bros. cartoon- IMDB fun fact) because we have the same hair, I now feel that I'm in the same Shaved-Head-Club as Jack from Lost. Which would you rather be in the same club as? the cutesy haired doctor or the shaved headed badass doctor who runs an island and beats the crap out of his alcoholic father? the answer simple: Jack's the man (and for the record, F- Sawyer).
And finally, wind, rain, and humidity ain't got shit on me. I no longer have to worry about how these things are going to affect how I look, the slightest bit of weather, even a change in the humidity, can turn hair like mine into the mess of a lifetime. Once one of these starts getting into my hair its badnews for anyone that has to look at me- if i shoved a stick up my rear you would mistake me for a mop, and it wouldn't be the first time. Not having hair gives me freedom to not worry about weather conditions messin up my doo, except for the cold. I'd like to thank my Mom for responding to my telling her I buzzed it with the response, "Why would you do that right before winter?" I have to admit she's right, very poor timing. I guess I should also mention my Dad's reaction, which transpired like this:
"Why the hell would you do that?"
"What? it looks good."
"No it doesn't."
This is the same guy that kept telling me my hair was too long, I can't win.

All in all, I'm pleased with how I feel after my lifestyle change, I feel like a born-again Christian. I fully admit that I was missing out on what its like to not have much hair, and life has only gotten better since this happened to me.

Blue Vs. White

Very recently I made the move from the blue collar world of roof
construction to the white collar (or free spirited no collar) world of
advertising. Obviously there are many differences between these two
types of jobs, from the office environment to the types of people
that are your coworkers. If you plan on making the jump from the blue
collar world to the white collar world, the transition can go smoothly,
but there are several differences between the two you should keep in
mind.

When I made the move into an office, the first thing I
noticed was the permanent availability of a bathroom. Most people get
a job in an office and think to themselves, “ok, the bathroom is over
there,” while my reaction was more along the lines of, “holy crap,
there’s a bathroom there whenever I need it… AND IT’S CLEAN.” The joy I was overcome with
after 4 years of working in jobsites where the best-case scenario for a
bathroom was a porta-john is indescribable (although I’m going to
describe it, and have already begun to do so by using the word
indescribable to describe it). No more having to plan out my diet
according to where I was going to be working that day, no more having
to run to the nearest gas station; I was finally able to be like every
other civilized human being in using a bathroom whenever I need to, and
without having to put on a hazmat suit in order to do so. I was as
happy as a priest in Discovery Zone; so far my transition was going
well.

After I had calmed down from the excitement about the bathroom I
realized another amazing, yet obvious difference: climate control. It
finally hit me that I would no longer be subject to spending all day,
every day in this lovely temperate New England climate. There’s
something to be said for having to dress for the job and not for the
weather: if you dress wrong for the job your boss says something; if
you dress wrong for the weather you get the flu. When you’re outside
there are some days when you rip our pants and you get excited to let
some of the steam out, there are other days when you have to wrap a
sock around your huevos in order them attached to your body. When
you’re in an office there are some days when you simply just need a
sweater. One downfall to not working outside is I can work in the rain
when when there's a roof over me. Rain while on the roof = vacation day. My theory
on rain-outs as a roofer was that if my boss can’t find work for me
when it rains, I’m taking the next two nice days off. It’s a great
system, for me at least. Another plus to being out of the weather
is that I can finally enjoy the beach again. For some reason
after spending 8 hours a day on a scorching roof, come the weekend I didn’t feel much
like sitting on the hot beach.

There are also certain characteristics that are necessary for one job,
and not the other, a major one being self motivation. In an office I
have my own little area with a computer and full access to the
internet, needless to say it is not easy to sit there and actually do
work (when I could be writing this!). When you’re on a roof there’s
not much to do up there, besides wok on the roof. Also, there aren’t
many places to hide on a roof and there’s always someone ready to curse
at you when you’re not working. But in an office if it’s really necessary
you can find someplace to hide in a Costanza-esque fashion. Another
characteristic necessary for being in an office is self control.
There’s a certain demeanor people expect in an office, one that it
polite and considerate of others. On a roof cursing, yelling, and being
downright mean are all commonplace and expected. A necessary survival
tool for working on a roof is being able shit talk better
than they can shit talk you.

Some people say that work is work and you’re never going to like it,
but when you’re sitting in an air conditioned office instead of 120
degree roof covered with tar you realize that some jobs are better than
others. Paper cuts are bad, box cutter wounds are worse; I’ll take my
chances with the paper.

The Rules of the MBTA

For most people living in the Boston area, their primary mode of transportation is the Massachusetts Bay Transport Authority, or, as most refer to it as simply, the T. The T is a system of trains, busses, and trolleys that travel throughout the bay area which are available for people to pay a small price to ride as an alternative to using their own vehicles. Despite the lack of cleanliness, abundance of homeless people, and revolting smell, there is a certain etiquette involved with riding the T that, although previously unwritten, is not only essential in order for survival on the T, but also vital for keeping those around you from murder charges and blood stained clothes. The following is a boiled down list of rules that, if followed correctly, will make your life and the lives of those around you a lot better on the T

1) Don’t ask questions- Whether it be to the person selling the tokens or to the person driving the vehicle, if you’re asking questions you’re in everyone’s way of getting on the train faster. The types of questions that are asked of the train conductors/token sellers can always be answered by the person posing the question. For example: “which line do I get on to get to Fenway?” “Ma’am, you can find that out by simply looking at the colossal, color coded, multi lingual map that is directly behind you, as well as the millions of signs that direct you on how to get to Fenway.” Another common question: “is this a Braintree train?” “Well sir, since it says Braintree on the side in bright bold letters, and since when I pulled in I said ‘Braintree train, this is a Braintree train,’ I think its safe to say that this train is going to Etobicoke, just outside of Toronto.” Questions such as these slow down the boarding process and also speaks volumes about your unintelligibility, due to your inability to read a map of a subway system which nobody has had a problem figuring out since its opening in 1897.

2) Walk faster- if you have any condition where you can’t walk at a fast pace, either don’t ride public transportation, stand to the side and wait for the crowd of people that are trying to get to work to go by, or get
used to your head being on the ground and a shoe being firmly pressed against the top of it. We’re very important people that need to get to work, floors won’t mop themselves.

3) Seats are anyone’s for the taking- if you can’t stand for the length of your ride you shouldn’t be on the train, with the exception of pregnant people and elderly people (unless, of course, the elderly person is foreign, in which case they should be thankful they only have to stand in order to get to their destination, instead of walking there with no shoes like in the old country). Also, being fat is not an excuse for needing a seat, just because your
knees may buckle under the pressure of your body doesn’t mean my knees should have to get tired. In fact the proper etiquette would be for a fat person to stand at all times, instead of taking up several seats. Riding the T is not very enjoyable as it is, if the person next to you has their elbows pressed into your gut then there’s a good chance they may just take a bout out of you; not only because they are angry, but because you deserve it.

4) Don’t talk- You’re friends don’t like it when you talk, what makes you think all the poor people surrounding you want to hear you opinions on the longevity of the Hubble telescope? Having a loud conversation will end with you being served the third rail for dinner with a side of slaw, that’s right, you sicken me to the point where I won’t even give you cole to go with the slaw.

5) Don’t make eye contact with anybody- making eye contact is taken as disrespect and will end with you either bleeding, unconscious, both at the same time, or both separately for that matter.

6) Don’t fall asleep- without individual arm rests it is inevitable that once you fall asleep you will start leaning on the person next to you. Most see a stranger falling asleep on them as an open invitation to
lick your ear and steal your wallet/identity/anal virginity (or lack there of!)

7) Don’t start shuffling towards the door while the train is still moving- When the train stops there is ample time for you to get to the doors before they open, there is no need to attempt to get closer to the door while the train is still moving. It is inevitable that you will lean against someone causing them to be very angry and most likely
pull your eyelids off in a fit of rage. Is it really necessary that you’re five steps closer for when the door opens? You people are like pit bulls.

8) Move all the way into the car- you’re a heaping bag of douche if you didn’t already know this, but sadly it had to be included because nobody fucking does it

9) Push and shove and cram against people until you fit in, even when the driver says there is another train right behind this one, don’t let back, he’s a filthy liar.

10) Always wear a condom during rush hour- between the trains being packed with people, the poorly trained (get it?) drivers, and the 100 year old tracks, it is inevitable that you will be grinding up against people you normally wouldn’t want to look at from down the street at night. With this much friction going on it is very possible for you to impregnate 3-5 (7-13 for black men) women during your ride, ending in child support lawsuits and lots of money spent on anti-crab shampoos and conditioners.

11) Don’t eat food while riding the T- on a scale of how unclean something is, the T outweighs both shit and the juice at the bottom of a garbage can combined. Most people are too scared to even touch anything while on the T, never mind eating food their hands have touched; that shit is gross.

12) Don't point out the smell, we are all aware that the T stations smell worse than most public bathrooms, only point out the obvious bad smell of the stations if you also feel it necessary to inform people of when the sun comes up in the morning; it's an obvious fact so shut up about it already.

13) Don't bring luggage on the train during rush hour- You can clearly see that there is always more people outside the train than can fit in it, therefore your hair care products are not a priority. If people want to bring luggage on the train they should have to pay extra for the extra space they take up. Also, for those of you that bring backpacks on the train- when the train gets crowded take the backpack off and hold it, it’s really not difficult and it will save everyone around you from unhealthy levels of aggravation.

14) Reading the newspaper is acceptable only if certain precautions are taken. When reading the newspaper you must fold it up so it does not invade the space of those around you. When the paper is not folded it waves in front of the people sitting around you scratching at their nose and obstructing their vision; fold it or prepare to bandage your wounds with it.

15) No pets- animals can't manage to stay upright when they are sitting in cars, never mind when they are standing on trains that people can't handle staying upright on, leave the animals at home or they will be sacrificed accordingly.

16) Make sure that if you bring an umbrella on the T that all the water has been completely shaken off of it. People wearing their nicest cutoff jeans to work don't need you getting their legs wet. Failure to follow this rule will result in said umbrella being stuck up your ass, opened, closed, removed, and repeated until your ears bleed.

17) Don't step through people in order to look down the tunnel to see if the train is coming. Looking for the train does not increase the speed at which the train travels, nor does it get you any closer to the train. You an expect someone to throw you onto the tracks if you do this, because you're a jerk off, and from the tracks you will have an even better view of the tunnel to see when the train is coming to smash your body into oblivion.

18) Don't do sodoku puzzles on the train- nobody thinks you're any smarter because they see you doing those, if you really were smarter you wouldn’t be riding the T, asshole.

19) While holding onto the bar that goes above where everyone sits, don't unnecessarily flex your arms while you are holding it, for doing so tells the other passengers on the train two things about you: 1- you have nothing else to do but worry about what people on the train think of you; 2- you have no dick.

20) While on the escalator, don't push people aside so you can walk while you're on the escalator. Escalators were invented because human beings, as a whole, were sick of having to walk up fucking stairs. Now that we have a seemingly perfect system in which some people can take the stairs, while others can take escalator, you have to go and fuck it all up by walking up the escalator. If you are caught doing this, once you reach the top of the escalator your bottom lip will be fed into the area where the escalator ends.

Hopefully this list will help those too dumb to realize what they are doing on the T to stop, while it will also help those from out of town to fit in better. And also remember, don't trust minorities on the T, but don't trust majorities either.

The Newest Member of Bloggville

With this being my first entry into my first blog let me just get some things off my back-
1) The term "blog"- After hearing about blogs and what they were it made me very angry everytime I heard the term "blog" and I went as long as i could without without actually saying the word "blog." (I didn't actually use the term until it was the answer on Jeopardy, and then I had to explain to my mommy what a blog was.) The word"blog" sounds like second grader terminology (ex- "you're a blog-head," "this pizza tastes BLOG," or "Does your mom take the pill? because I blogged inside her cunt last night.") "Blog" is not a word that should be used ina regular conversation, in fact I think it should be left out of the language all together, but since I do not have enough authority (yet) to decide what words can and cannot be used by the general populus, I'll just continue to not say it much and seldomly make refereces to it.

2) For a long time I asked myself "who are these people that think anyone, anywhere would ever want to read anything that they do dont get paid to write?" The state that our society is in today has almost completely eliminated reading. Why do people read? to get information, or to be entertained. Television gives us both. Whether it be news, a story, or a commentary on a subject, it can be found on tv. The only people that read are students, and how many of them enjoy it? Think of the last time you saw anyone sitting in front of a tv, thats not turned on, just reading (my last memory of that was 1992, my Dad reading the sports page and telling me that Drew Bledsoe could throw a football through my chest). So why would you believe that anyone living in a society that doesnt like reading would want to read something that you wrote, especially when you're obviously not talented enough to get paid to write something real. We all have the option of reading something written by a professional, something written by you or not reading at all. Which do you think everyone outside of your immediate family is going to choose?
Now this begs the question, "but Mike, if you feel that nobody's blog will every be read by anyone, why are you writing yours? is yours different or are you just a jackass?"
Here's what I believe about this little project:
1) NOBODY will read this, there are a lot of dumb people out there, but nobody is dumb enough to read this
2) I believe this is different from anyone elses, the difference being that mine is better, this very well could make me a jackass.

Thank you for your time, and if you made it this far then you're welcome to come back, because it can't get any worse, and it's not like there's anything better to do than read this garbage.